Reflections on "Sex That Matters"

Someone asked me if I was worried about people being upset with the sermon. I was not worried that that I would upset someone over mentioning sex from the pulpit; but, I did worry that this topic, which I consider to be an important issue in our world today, would not engage people.

The transition from the homosexuality issue to the other sexuality issues in our world today, seemed to work fine. but, it also means that I did not address from the pulpit that thorny issue in the Presbyterian denomination. And, I won't address it in this sermon series. In part, my preaching silence is because I do not think this issue matters to the next generation of church members. I think the older generation clings to the issue because we are more comfortable with the traditional thinking and standards surrounding this issue. But, as the next generation lives with people openly acknowledging their sexuality, people who have gifts for ministry and show the love of Christ in their actions, the issue will seem less important. Likewise, the proliferation of so many other sexuality issues will demand much more of the focus of the church in the 21st century.

So, here are my sermon notes from yesterday.

Introduction: As you know, I have been preaching the fall on how to be a Christian in the 21st century. this week I experienced a bit of 21st technology. I received a FB message from a former member of the church I served in KY who now lives in CA. She is a FB friend of mine, so when I posted by blog with my thoughts as I prepared this week's sermon, she got notice of the blog, including the sermon title. She responded with a message about my sermon title. To which my wife add a FB comment about my daughters being apprehensive about the sermon. I suspect that sermon will not be quite as exciting as the title sounds.

In the Presbyterian Church circles, most conversations these days that involve sex deal with the questions surrounding homosexuality. Should we ordain self-avowed homosexuals? Or how do we stick to a traditional definition of marriage.

The church is focusing focusing on an issue that the world, at least the Western world, and the younger generation does not seem to care about nearly as much.
That's not to say, if the the world does not think it's an issue, the church should not care about it, but I do think it challenges the church to examine where it puts its energy, particularly in a world with many issues revolving around sexuality.

I have the suspicion that we want to keep focused on the issue of homosexuality because then we do not have to engage other issue of sex that matter as well, if not more than the issue of homosexuality.

Move 1: What other issues?
a. Internet pornography
1. On the Web, there are both commercial and free pornography sites.
2. As of October 2008, about one quarter of employees visit Internet porn sites during working hours according to Nielsen Online. (Wikipedia, Internet Pornography)
3. The production of child pornography has become very profitable, bringing in several billion dollars a year, and is no longer limited to pedophiles. notes that there is "overwhelming evidence that [child pornography] is all but impossible to obtain through non electronic means." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_pornography)
4. I now include in my pre-marital counseling a series of questions about
b. Cyber bullying over sexuality
1. Rutgers student who committed suicide.
2. Allegedly some of his fellow students hid a camera that captured him kissing another male.
3. Broadcast this to others.
4.Embarrassment about his sexuality issue and the invasion of his privacy led to the student's suicide.
c. Divorce
1.Different figures, but roughly 45% of the couples that get married today will divorce http://www.divorcerate.org/
2.Divorce rate is higher for evangelical Christians (Barna Research, as quoted on http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm
3.Living together – higher divorce rate; indicators show that people who chose to live together on average
d.Infidelity in marriage
1. Infidelity rates are getting higher and higher in the American society. Here are some infidelity statistics based on a survey by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago:
25 percent of men have had extramarital affairs
17 percent of women committed adultery
2. Another 20% have emotional affairs.
3.Only 35 percent of unions survive an extramarital affair. http://www.infidelity-etc.com/index.php/4
4.Do not underestimate the role of the Internet in this issue. The ability for people to engage with others over the Internet, without having to sneak off somewhere to see each other, has created more opportunities http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infidelity
5.Plus, the social web-sites like FB and MySpace allow for people to meet up and become infatuated with the computer image of someone, which no surprise may seem more exciting than the day-to-day image of one's spouse.
e.Premarital sex:
1.Currently 46.8% of all high school students report they have had sexual intercourse. The percentage of high school students who have had sex decreased 13.3% between 1991 and 2005 (54% to 46.8%). 2005 CDC Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance
2. Casual sex.

Move 2: How are we to respond to these sexuality issue out of our Christian calling?
a. At the heart of our response is how we view God.
1.Is our primary image of God as the judge, who creates a world of black and white choices; a God whose purpose is to decide who is in (those who can abide by the rules). Drawing a line in the sand.
2.Or, do we fundamentally, see God as liberating us and inviting us to grow into the image of God that calls us to be in right relationship with God and one another?
3.Of course, the reality for most of us is that we mix those images.
4.In the passage to the Colossians, I think we see this mix. There is both a list of things to do and not do for those early Christians, but also the overarching call to grow into the fullness of Christ, which I think defies the draw a line in the sand mentality.
5.Or, Isaiah's prophecy speaks of the eunuch and the foreigner who are welcomed, the one who was outside the sexual norms and the stranger in the midst, being welcomed by God. But, there is also a reference to their making right sacrifices.
b. McLaren story: a Kenyan graduate student attended the church he served. After a communion service, McLaren found the Kenyan sitting in his seat, with his head in his hands crying. “Are you okay?”
“These are tears of joy.”
“What happened?”
“It is my first time to take communion.”
“but I thought you had been a Christian since you were a child?”
“I have been. But I am the child of the third wife.” He went on to explain that at the time the Anglican Church in Kenya had a policy for polygamous converts to the Christianity. Only the children of the first wife could participate in the Lord's Supper. “Today, when you said that all were welcome to the Table, I realized that here I am not the child of the third wife. I am simply a Christian [child of God], and I am welcome at the Table.” (Brain McLaren, A New Kind of Christianity, 186)
c.It is easy to here that story and see where the black and white approach of the church in another culture misses the gospel that welcomes all people to our Lord's Table.
1.So let's look a little bit closer to home.
2.Consider the issue of pre-marital sex.
3.I am the parent of three girls, two of whom are in high school now.
4.I can easily subscribe to the image of God who says Christians do this and not that.
5.Very black and white. Line in the sand. As least as it relates to the sexuality of my daughters.
6.But, how does that speak to what it means to be made in the image of God that calls us into relationship?
7.In all the conversations and discussions I heard as a kid, or have had with youth groups or others as an adult, parent or minister, let me share with you the most compelling argument I ever heard for not engaging in pre-marital sex.

It was a minister. He was speaking to a group of high schoolers. He was not the hip minister, but the older minister (about my age now!). It was not a God said you should do this or that.
He spoke about how sex was the most intimate moment two people could share. How it was designed as an deep expression of love to be shared between two people.
And he spoke about relationship. How God desired us to have a deep, abiding relationship with another person. A relationship between two humans that God gave us as gift (I am indebted to Dr. John McCoy for having shared this story with the high school youth group).
8.If a study were done with those high schoolers who heard that conversation, would they have a lower rate of engaging in premarital sex? I do not know.
9.But, I think that spoke to the issue in a more meaningful way, in a way that invited the high schoolers to understand their sexuality as a gift from God, and a call to see their sexuality in the context of their calling as people made in the image of God.
e. Divorce rates and infidelity.
1.Again, it is easy to draw a line in the sand.
2.But, missing from that position is the conversation about what it means to be in covenantal relationship.
3.How to live in relationship with one another and how to deal with broken relationships.
4.It is painful to hear divorced people describe how their faith communities failed them and how they left those communities because they did not feel support, or because the faith community drew a line in the sand and included one of the spouses and excluded the other.
5.We have to do better.
f.Internet pornography and cyber bullying.
1. they do not reveal the image of God, but show forth broken relationships.
2. Clearly, those who engage in bullying see the others as outside of their relationship.
3. Think about how pornography violates the relationship between two people.

Conclusion: How we respond to matters of sex does matter.
It speaks to how we view God and how we live out our calling as disciples of Christ.